Thursday, March 28, 2013

Japan -- Day 3: Stay off the Escalators.

In Tokyo, here is what I learned about escalators:

You should (or shouldn't?) smoke your last cigarette and poop a brick before you get on one...

...because while the escalators look harmless and safe for women and children, they truly have only one mission: play pat-a-cake with your kids before the escalator pushes your child off the edge to an untimely death.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Japan -- Day 2: I Saw the Sign(s) and They Opened Up My Mind(s)

Some thoughts about signs I saw in Kyoto.

Did I figure out how to use the Hollywood Squares bathroom?  Circle gets the square!

Mushroom-headed-plasticman-dads, please hold on to all insects with legs.

Only YOU can prevent forest fires and simultaneously feed your dog.

Do I really have to pick up rocks, or can I just pretend to before I pretend throw them at the monkey?

If your cigarette starts thinking when you are going to the bathroom, please ride away on your bike.

If you grow a third leg or your bike attacks you, you have had too many of the special mushrooms with your sushi.

When the rain stops you from burning a child, just take your bike and run over him.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Japan -- Day 1

Some things I have noticed about Japan. 

You know what it says on that sign I circled in red? "Welcome to Nijo Castle."
I learn other languages VERY fast.

Your squid desires can be satiated with multiple options...that of dried and with cheese OR smoked and with black pepper. I'm in SQUID EATING HEAVEN! Finish that up with some beef tongue jerky...and you have all the necessary food groups.

The toilets have a powerful deodorizer option...
and a Y gets to be next to a W...that never happens in our alphabet.

At the Kyoto National Park, the leashes and poop unite together to attack dogs. BEWARE!