Wednesday, April 04, 2012

My Girlfriend Left Town -- Day 3: I'm a Survivor

I'm three days into my never ending saga of living without adult supervision....and I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it all seven days.  There's no food.  My clothes are in rags....and I'm pretty sure I have already lost control of my dogs; they may have even become rabid.  Here we see Maggie eyeing Morrie before she goes in for the kill.  With new dog-film technology, I was actually able to tap into her pug brain to hear what she was thinking at this very moment.  Warning...this is quite shocking...and all due to Tauni leaving for the week during my Spring Break: Maggie's thoughts.

Notice how the (pee) jeans and shoes have now doubled. 


 Morrie licking his chops after biting Maggie's face off in defense.
Poor faceless Maggie.

***

Although I am on the edge...deep down, I know I'm a survivor.  I haven't eaten a home-cooked meal in days, mostly because I was left with nothing to eat.  See...absolutely nothing:


Clearly, I am like some Old Mother Hubburd-esque joke to the girlfriend.  What does one do with all these unformed/uncombined ingredients, anyway?  No idea.  I'm not sure what kind of magic she performs to create meals...but I don't practice the black arts like she does.

Some might think with the obvious lack of everyday staples, that perhaps I would go procure more at some place I have heard called the supermarket, or something.  Unfortunately for people who suggest such sacrilege, I am not a Communist...but a full-blooded American....and I believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of pre-made cheese crackers....

These are all the Cheez-Its I have left 
(and you know I didn't put them in the tupperware to stay fresh). 



I figure if I only eat four-to-five crackers/day...I'll make it to Sunday without starving because I am a MOTHER F'IN SURVIVOR!  I don't need to worry about feeding Maggie since she doesn't even have a face anymore...and I feel like Morrie can live off of pepper, right?

I hope I make it to Day 4!  The dogs? Well, I'm not holding my breath...although if I can keep faceless Maggie alive, that would be pretty cool.

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