Monday, April 02, 2012

My Girlfriend Left Town -- Day 1

There are moments in life, fleeting moments, when coincidence collides with (mis)fortune.  It's at these moments when we have to ask ourselves about the world and our place in it.  This is beyond religion or faith.  This is something bigger.   I believe my moment has come.

My girlfriend just left town for a week...this, in itself, could be an interesting test.  Will I shower?  Will I change my underwear?  Will I shower in my underwear?  I don't know.  Perhaps, I don't want to know.

But, as I alluded to, there is something bigger in play here. She didn't just leave town any ol' week.  The strings of fate would not let me off that easy. She left on my Spring Break...and, as I hope you can see...these two events just can't be chance.  They can't be.  This has to be a test.  A test from...beyond.  With absolutely no boundaries at home and no work...what kind of EVIL might I fall prey to?

Day 1:

 
Exhibit 1: A Lack of Spacial Awareness

I'm not saying I'm typing this blog in the underwear I showered in...and I'm not not saying it either. Point is, as we can see, the first thing to go was my ability to refold my laundry.  And by fold, I mean I didn't come home, throw my jeans back into the general direction of the laundry, and if they made it great and if not so be it.  OH NO!  This is right in the middle of living room, folks.  The Horror!!  And do you see my shoes?  And a sock!  And this is just Day 1!  What's next?  My shirt?



Exhibit 2: Lack of Understanding Function

Here we see a cup. And a carton.  One would think I put the contents of said carton into said cup and then drank...perhaps even drank voraciously. But one would be wrong.  With no girlfriend to silently judge me eat with...I found myself with a day-old cup on my coffee table...and I drank...yes...drank FROM the carton anyway. The audacity! Who would do such a thing?  A monster...a sick and twister fiend?  Maybe someone who just didn't quite have the coordination to pick up the cup...like a war victim or someone with a handicap?  Anyway...that's not the point.  Clearly...I am failing at my first few moments of solitude.

I am afraid to see what other kind of mischief I might get into tomorrow. Maybe...just maybe...I'll leave the toilet seat up...and then sit on the toilet anyway.

Only time will tell.

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