Friday, March 02, 2012

Windows

Enter Charlie Brown Theme...Now.
It's an interesting feeling to look out my window at Lake Taupo.  I should have just swum 2.4 miles (or more with my zigzagging) in it.  I should be doing a 112 mile bike ride.  I should be trying to save my legs for a marathon.

But I'm looking out a window.

It's hard to explain the feeling.  I just spent a full year mentally preparing for one day.  This day.  March 3rd, 2012.  I was supposed to learn some lesson today, about myself, about my limits, about what drives me.  There have been countless hours of training.  Injuries.  Doubts.  Fears.  Epiphanies.  Hope.  All tied up into one day.  This day.

But I'm looking out a window.

When I think about the conversations to come...the donations I raised...the pats on the back...the "I understands" the "That sucks" conversations...I don't feel anything.  I don't yet know how to respond to those.  What do I say?

I looked out a window?

There is a lesson here.  I got what I came for.  I'm not learning it as I drink lake water.  Or as my legs burn with fatigue.  Or as I cramp on a run.

My lesson is about perspective. And patience.  And peace.  And grand schemes.

And about a window.

Today was not my day to do Ironman.  My day WILL come.  I know this.  I FEEL this.  I BELIEVE this.  And if nothing else, my desire is stronger.  Harder.  Deeper than ever before.

I'm not looking out at Lake Taupo, through a window, for nothing.  There are countless ways to learn what it means to be an Ironman.

The next step of my journey is beginning.

By looking out a window.



4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I won't bother with platitudes; I hope you find what you're searching for.

Manasse said...

How about just one platitude?

Ha!

Jen said...

OK, I'll bite--have a platitude or 2 on me.
You're super crazy tough, Mark. This is the 1st hurdle (being stymied!) in actually reaching your fabulous goal. You will OWN that race when it's yours; in the meantime, enjoy your health and that you were able to even accomplish the training (after >1 yr of chronic injury, I *mean* that).
If it makes you feel better, 10 yrs ago Joe was training for the death ride in the Sierras. Crazy mountain passes, ridiculous heat, many miles. Day comes, we get up at 4am at the start... only to discover that he left his bike shoes at home. D'oh. At least this delay is not your own fault.
Someday, you will be able to laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation.
In the meantime, enjoy those Kiwis!

Laura T. Gonzalez said...

Very nice, Mark. The Dalai Lama will be pleased when Tauni and I go see him.