Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Beets: The World's Most Dangerous Food

Being part of a CSA is an interesting experience to say the least. I honestly feel like I am doing my small part to help the environment...and when the environment needs help, you know I am the first guy on its list.

The downside of having a box full of veggies that I may or may not want to eat every week...is the guilt. I feel compelled to finish every leaf of lettuce...every ounce of greens...and every single purple, wrinkled, dirt-filled, disease-having (not yet confirmed) beet.

Now if you're like me (until recently), maybe you've never seen a fresh beet before. Let me tell you...they are ugly. U G L Y, they aint got no alibi, they're ugly. (Can beets sue?)













So week after week, box after box, we refused to eat them. And so, much like humping rabbits, they multiplied, and before we knew it...we had A WHOOOOOOOOOOOLE lot of beets. My guilt...it could take no more.

Enter the crusher of cucumbers...the assaulter of apples...the raper of radishes: The Jack Lalanne Juicer. I was ready to juice, juice, juice my guilt away!

On a lark (yes, a lark), I decided to look up a beet juice recipe instead of just going for it. And boy...am I glad I did.

Did you know that you should never drink beet juice by itself? Pure beet juice can temporarily paralyze your vocal chords, make you break out in hives, increase your heart rate, cause chills or even a fever!!! Beets? WTF?

Also, beets cause you're poop and pee to turn red!!! One site had this advice:

Beets are probably one of the most powerful vegetables available. Beets are known for causing both stools and urine to turn red and if this happens, don't be surprised.

Surprised isn't the right word. F'in' FREAKED OUT is more like it...and I can only imagine how quickly I would have driven to the doctor if I didn't read that before I drank my beet juice.

I do admit...while beets ARE clearly the world's most dangerous food and fricken ugly, it was tasty to mix them with apples and cucumber. And now I can die knowing what magical colors my excrement can be! Win-win!