Saturday, December 18, 2010

My Bike's new name is....

Clearly, this was a tough decision. There were 88 entries....which once again proves that people will do anything for a Starbuck's gift card (you whores). I am going to discuss my top ten favorites...but a complete list of all suggestions (in alphabetical order) is below.

10. Laurie C.'s Lycaenid Butterfly: This made my top ten because I actually had to look up what the fuck it meant. Also, it is so the opposite of anything I would ever name my bike, which I thought was VERY funny. Laurie didn't come right out and call me a wuss, she did so with style. That is a top ten name!

9. Laura L.'s Eva Longoria: The thought of riding around for hours on end with my ass on Eva Longoria's face seems oh-so-right. What a great name for a bike...and definitely a top ten suggestion!

8. Jody W.'s Barrio Star: This restaurant is my sworn enemy. They also don't know how to make ice tea. My deep hatred for it gets it in the top ten! (BOOOOOO BARRIO STAR!)

7. Darron E.'s Blue Job: I would love to live out Darron's fantasy of accepting (the name/a) "Blue Job" from him. A top ten name...but just a little too much teeth. Keep practicing!

6. Corrine H.'s Blue Steel: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this name. The Zoolander reference is spot on. If only I rode to get more Orange...Mocha...Frapuccino's, this would have won!

5. Chris M.'s Darron: In my heart, I know this is a winning name. Just think about every time I sat on Darron, or put my keys in Darron's saddle bag, or clipped in to Darron, or got into aero position on Darron, or put Darron in my trunk, or lubed and oiled TOO MUCH sexual tension. I just can't handle it.

4. Darron E.'s Bi-keurious: Defintely very, very clever. And true. This name hit just a little too close to home. And I told you this in confidence, Darron.

3. Kris C.'s Mark's Bike: In my opinion, the FUNNIEST entry. Simple. Love it.

2. Jason G.'s Collarboner: I have thought about this for about a day...and I have been going back and forth on Collarboner vs. The Manasse Chassis. Collarboner is relevant (I was on this bike when I crashed and broke my collarbone) and it has the word "boner." I seems so perfect. I would get to say "boner" so much more often!!! Very, very close to winning. But collarboner lost by a head (tee hee).

1. Jeff M's The Manasse Chassis: It rhymes. It's sassy (which also rhymes). It has my name in it. Clearly, Jeff M. knows me well enough to realize how completely egocentric I am: He included my name in the bike's name. Winner and the new owner of a $10 gift card to Starbucks!

Thank you for all the entries!

(Golden) Rod-rage
10 Cent Whore
Ball buster
Barrio Star
Barry Manilow
Bee magnet
Birth Control
Blue Job
Blue Steel
Blue Thunder
Crotch Rocket
da' brat
Dirty Sanchez
Double cups
Draft Dodger
El Guapo
Espeedy Gonzalez
Eva Longoria
Farty Pants
Future Source of Impotency
Grave Digger
Green Machine
Ha Nguyen
Happy Ending
Hayward Djabloumie
Highway Star
Kevin Bacon
Le schtroumpf
Lycaenid butterfly
Mark's Bike
Meat Grinder
Mistress Nutcrusher
Mom's Taxi
Mr. Yang
My Private Jet Plane
Not Tauni
Nut cracker
Nuts McGee
Old Bluer
On your Mark
Pedal Power
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure
Poor Yorick
Queef Latifah
Road Warrior
Roadie McBikerson
Rusty Trombone
Saddle Sack
Sexy Beast
Silky Skids
Speed Chafer
Speedy McGee
Stuart Pantinkton
The Beast
The Blue Streak
The Hog
The Lance Armstrong Smashed Dong Two-Wheeled Get-Along
The Manasse Chassis
The Other Woman
The Pug Wagon
The Pussy Wagon
The Satllion
The Smurf
The Strawberry Shortcake
The Train
Toll Troll
Wheels of Fury


Lali said...

Yay! I made it in the Top Ten!

Anonymous said...

So damn close. A lot of great names in your pool.

Anonymous said...

So damn close. A lot of great names in your pool.

Middento said...

WOOOO!!! I WIN!!!!! Excitement AND thrill!

Here's hoping I get to ride the Manasse Chassis someday...

Anonymous said...

Hey! I am in the top three. That makes me feel so honor - No Wait. It passed. I feel nothing. Where's the remote?