It was like stars aligning:
(A) I hadn't been to McDonald's in about a year-ish;
(B) Someone had given me a coupon for free Medium Fries;
(C) I had another coupon for a free Onion and Cheddar McChicken Sandwich; and
(D) The McRib is out right now (and I love the McRib, btw).
And when the stars speak, I listen.
So, the following is a (mostly) true conversation on how I coerced my way into eating like shit...for free. I bring you, The Mind Fuck:
McHigh School Drive-thru Guy: Welcome to McDonald's.
Me: Yeah...you guys have the McRib right now, right?
Me: Can I get one of those. I LOVE them. The are so McRib-y.
MHSDTG: Um...oooooook. The meal?
Me: (Pishaw...the meal...he doesn't know about my coupons.) No...but I do have a couple of coupons I would like to use.
Me: I have one for a free McChicken with cheddar and onions...and one for a free medium fries.
MHSDTG: How many people are in the car with you, sir?
MHSDTG: How many people are in the car with you? You can only use one coupon per person.
Me: (uh oh) Well...it's just me.
MHSDTG: You are going to have to pick one coupon or the other, then.
Me: (Hmmm...but I just want to use the coupons...I don't even care about the food...I know. I will reason with him.) No.
MHSDTG: What do you mean "No"?
Me: I mean, I would like to use both.
MHSDTG: I understand that...but I can't let you do that.
Me: (OK...he wants to dance. Let's dance.) What if I drove through twice?
MHSDTG: We wouldn't let you do that, sir.
Me: But how would you know? What if I just did it without saying I was going to do it?
MHSDTG: We would know. We would ask you to come back later.
Me: (So...he wants to be like that) But it would be later.
MHSDTG: OK...well, we would ask you to go to a different McDonald's.
Me: (I'm not THAT pathetic...driving to another McDonald's is out of the question. I am only pathetic enough to argue.) What if I ordered one in the drive-thru and one inside?
MHSDTG: We wouldn't let you do that.
Me: You wouldn't let me? I'm trying to save an extra $1.00 here...you wouldn't let me do that?
MHSDTG: No, sir.
Me: (Time to pull out the big guns) OK...what if I said there actually ARE two people in the car.
MHSDTG: Well, then, that would be ok!
Me: OK...there are two people in the car. I hope my friend is still in the car by the time I get up to your window.
Me: He likes to jump out of my car a lot.
Me: (OK...I got him to laugh! I'm in) Look..can't you just pretend I have another person in the car with me? I really want to use these coupons.
MHSDTG: Hold on.
And off he went...I got "permission" to use my two coupons...and I ate my McRib, a McChicken (with cheddar and onions), and medium fries.
I presently feel like shit...does this mean I won? And I wonder how much they spit on my sandwich, too? Was it like a lot of spit or mostly just dropped on the floor?