Sunday, November 21, 2010

Maggie: Her Inner Bitch, Revealed

We have stereotypes in our society. I'm not saying I buy into them. Endorse them. Or even fully understand them. But there is something I know for sure:

Morrie (my male pug) can run circles around Maggie (my female pug).

As the differences in their athletic abilities have become more and more pronounced, I have noticed a shift in Maggie. Slowly. In time. What used to be good natured play has turned into a mini-rivalry. And sometimes. Sometimes. When Maggie is in a bad mood, she'll play dirty. So I know for a fact what Maggie did yesterday was not out of love nor fairness...and it wasn't an accident.

Maggie laid Morrie out with a Troy Polamalu-esque blow. And she'd do it again.


Let's take a step back and really investigate how Maggie's deep hatred for Morrie's energy and athletic ability started.

We have about a ten-yard span from our front door to our back-kitchen door, and when both are open, the dogs can run in a huge circle from the back-kitchen door out the front door, through our yard and return into the back-kitchen door (about a total forty-yard run).

When Morrie gets excited, he'll run and run and run this forty-yard loop, yelping, smiling, tail wagging. Maggie, on the other hand, will run the loop once (maybe twice), and then do something very interesting: She'll run to the front door with Morrie, and then as he runs the thirty yards around the outside of the house, Maggie will walk the ten yards directly to the back door and wait for him. When he returns, she'll then bite the shit out of him through the living room and once again stop at the front door. Morrie will then run all the way around again....and she'll walk back to the back-kitchen door.

She is a lazy, fat-assed cheat on the one hand. Or, she is a plotting, vindictive bitch on the other. Either choice...not so good.


We went to the park yesterday, and Morrie was AMPED. The park has a good fifty-yard length right next to a busy road, and he was running up and back, up and back, up and back, chasing every car that went by. Maggie tried to keep up. For about two minutes. And then, I saw her get an idea.

While Morrie ran up fifty yards and back fifty yards...she went and stood in the middle of the park. She waited. SHE WAITED. And when he was mid-sprint and looking up at a car...our little, friendly, loving, female pug went into action.

In a full sprint, she TACKLED THE PISS out of Morrie, flung him UP into the air, and slammed him into the dog-park fence. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure I heard her say as she hovered over him:

"Who's running now, bitch?"

Morrie, got up, wiped himself off, and went back to running up and back...but he wasn't quite as carefree. He was hearing footsteps. Little, female, puggy footsteps, in the back of his mind.

Mission accomplished, Maggie. Mission Accomplished. That one was for women everywhere!


kittycalhoun said...

Seriously. Projecting much? or just lady-issues? or is maggie just a dog, doing what bitches do? :)

Manasse said...