Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Top Ten Things I Learned (not necessarily did) on New Year's Eve (or close thereto)

10: Sleeping in your own bed with sheets and blankets is so 2009. Sleeping on an expensive new couch that isn't yours in your own vomit, now THAT is 2010!

9: Walking around a parking lot trying to break into hot tubs for thirty minutes is stupid. Doing it while walking around naked is stupid and cold.

8: When wandering in a gated-off park that is not set to open for for a few months with signs every few feet which state "No Trespassing," one should only pick the freshest lemons off of all the lemon trees for the consumption of lemonade the next day (note: if the lemonade is actually made or not is of no importance).

7: Women squatting and peeing on the sidewalk is more common than you would think.

6: Actually trying to commit a felony, such as kidnapping, can be thwarted by a "teacher look" and a well-written note when packing tape is available.

5: A fast way to solve any lingering and underlying race issues is to tell an Afghani cab driver, at least three times, Sorry for what we are doing to your country, man! while giving a "bro-tap" on the back of the shoulder.

4: Some C.M.s find my sense of humor hilarious (Chris Macabuhay). Others (he/she who shall not be named), not so much.

3: Wearing nasty-ass-printed-ruffle-dresses is "in" in the OC, and people who wear such dresses are not actually deaf when one yells (repeatedly) "Why are so many chicks wearing nasty-ass-printed-ruffle-dresses...they are so UGLY!"

2: It is possible to puke and poop simultaneously.

and the #1 thing I learned on New Year's Eve

1: New Orleans 2011 is happening.

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