Sunday, September 27, 2009

Lost in Mental Masturbation

During my first week of living in the Czech Republic (9 years ago), I got invited to a ball. Yeah, a ball! I still carry my ticket in my wallet because I have always felt that this ball was a defining moment in my life. I was out of my comfort zone, and attempting to communicate with people who had no way of communicating with me. I also puked something awful that night because Americans really don't know how to drink. You know you've had a full night when you puke more than you talk.

Anyway, there was a community bus that took us from the ball site back to town (weird, they actually have a mechanism in place so people don't drink and drive), and during this bus ride, there was a Czech comedian playing on the radio. It was amazing to me to be surrounded by over a hundred other people...all of us in silence...and every so often, every single person on that bus would erupt into laughter at something the Czech comedian said...while I sat there and looked out the window at all the snow that blanketed the ground. Their laughter stinging my ears.

***

At the dog park this morning, I got to witness a fascinating conversation between two elderly guys. I'll call them Bob and Larry for the sake of this blog...and here were some of their finer moments:

Bob: So Larry, you get everything done yesterday that you were supposed to?
Larry: What was I supposed to get done?
Bob: I don't know.
Larry: Guess I did, then.

Bob: That dog just went to the bathroom.
Larry: Yup.
Bob: Sure was a good one.

Bob: You working on your crossword puzzle?
Larry: Yup.
Bob: *Silence*
Larry: Say, Bob...you were in the Marines...what's the strap you carry over your shoulder. It starts with Band.
Bob: Bandolero.
Larry: That doesn't seem to work.
Bob: Well, that's what the Mexicans call it.
(For the record, I think he meant Bandoleer)

Bob: Sorry about my dog growling.
Larry: No problem.
Bob: This dog is grumpier than my ex-wife.

On and on they went, and I sat there for over thirty minutes just listening to them, staring at the grass, seeing nothing but green...and just laughing internally at how ridiculous the conversations were.

***

On the way home, I played and replayed the conversations that Bob and Larry had in my head. The more I thought about them, the less funny they became until the moment struck me where I remembered a young kid staring out a window, feeling ostracised...seeing nothing but white.

I don't know if loneliness has a color, but I know what it sounds like. People are talking and laughing...but there is something missing in the words.

2 comments:

ann marie said...

lonliness has a color . . . it's a very pale, almost white, shade of gray

Mansori said...

i hate to be lonely..some time if u have a lot of people around u ,u still feel lonely ,,i wish u luck
read my blog its about poem
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6566735132471913991#overviewstats