Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"Clowns and Bikes" are nothing like "Hookers and Blow" Part 1

I get these stupid thoughts sometimes like:

Why do we sleep?

Which then turns into:

What is sleep?


Which, then of course leads to:

Why can't I fit my entire fist into my mouth? (I don't know why...but this really fascinates me)

But this blog isn't about fists, fisting, or anything of the like. I'm writing because after suffering some of the worst and prolonged insomnia of my life (Which of course led to me thinking about what insomnia is and my fist-to-mouth ratio again)...I have had two of the most incredibly deep and relaxing nights of sleep that I can remember in a long time. Unfortunately, when I sleep deeply...I don't dream of anything normal...no sex...no hookers...no blow (this is normal, right?)...I get the following:

Night One

I am walking towards a beach with a giant group of people. We are all partying, screaming, yelling...it appears to be a birthday party for Tauni. I realize that I am going to have to make some sort of toast, and I feel like an idiot because I don't know what to say. So...the only thing I think of possibly saying is:

Here's to Tauni. Here's to Tauni. Here's to Tauni. She's a damn fine gal.

As I finally come to terms that this is what I'm going to say...this guy I know, Mark Clemens, starts drunkenly screaming some jumbled chant that everyone else starts saying...and he has a CRAZY look on his face..like he is drunk out of his mind. I'm telling you...CRAZY LOOKING!!!!

The next thing I know...because of this chant...people are climbing on top of each other and making, what I can only classify as, human totem poles. Higher and higher people went...chanting Clemens's chant again and again.

This of course leads to the people on top of the human totem poles turning into CLOWNS...that's right...CLOWNS...and these clowns then blow up balloons...get on top of the balloons...and try to float away.

But wouldn't you know it. They are unsuccessful. The balloons keep popping..and the clowns plummet back down into the crowd...and the clowns, and the people in the crowd get hurt.

Seriously...what grown man dreams something like this? Clowns? Balloons? Clowns floating on balloons? This dream must mean I'm gay. I'm certain of it.

One website on dream interpretation suggests to ask the following questions of yourself if you have had a dream about a clown:

***

QUESTIONS:

1. Did you feel like a clown on the day before the dream who did not really know what he was doing?

2. Who does the clown with its false smile remind you of?

3. Who in your life seems friendly but is actually a bit false?


***

My Responses:

1. I feel like a clown every day. I never know what I'm doing. It's called being a human being, jackass. I wish I could find the guy who made this website...do you know what you're fucking doing? Can YOUR fist fit in YOUR mouth? I bet so.

2. No one...but now...maybe you, website creator, because your website has not helped me at all.

3. My dog always acts really nice when she wants food. That bitch.


So if anyone has any real suggestions on what this dream means...let me know!

Part 2 to follow.

5 comments:

Maccerz said...

It means that you're gay.

ann marie said...

I think your dream stems from a fear of failure.

Manasse said...

Maybe a fear of not being gay enough?

Jon Nichols said...

I think the dream represents the anxiety in your life. The awkward moment of giving a speech and not having anything to say.

Then of course there's the balloons and people falling off of them. Your impotence to do anything about it adds to the confusion.

The clowns are your feelings of insecurity that you mask with humor.

But maybe I'm wrong...

At any rate, you ARE gay, but this dream has nothing to do with that.

Mark said...

Sorry Mark, this is all my fault. Usually the drugs I give you take away any memory of our nights together. Looks like its time to up your dose. For the record, the clowns were YOUR idea. I said don't invite the them back to your place, but you were like, "I wanna red balloon!"