Friday, August 21, 2009

Soda and Boobs

Conversation Number One -- I'm Not a Good Mentor

I'm in a classroom before a presentation I needed to give today. I am all alone, and will be for awhile. I get up to use the restroom, when half way to the door, I realize that my keys are in the computer's flash drive. We aren't supposed to leave the classrooms unlocked, ever, for any reason.

I think Eh...I don't need to lock the door. I'll only be gone a second....and there is nothing to steal except the sodas people get for showing up to the presentation.

On the way to the bathroom, I walk past a student...and HAVE TO LAUGH at myself as I momentarily worry that he might go into the open room and take a soda....not that I CARE...they are just sodas....but the possibility is there. Nah...Who would do that...and I'll only be gone another thirty seconds...I'm so stupid.

But wouldn't you know it, as I return from the bathroom, I catch him leaving the room WITH a soda...and I feel like I am in the middle of that Seinfeld episode when the guy who is going to play Kramer in Jerry steals the raisins.

As he hurriedly walks around the corner, we have the following conversation:

Me: Excuse Me! Can I help you with something?

Him: (He walks back toward me...soda and a handout for the presentation in hand) Are you a professor here?

Me: (Staring at the soda) Yup.

Him: You'll probably be my teacher.

Me: (Still staring at the soda) Huh?

Him: I have a class in this room next Wednesday.

Me: Ohhhh...well, many teachers use this room. In fact, those materials you have are actually for a meeting we are going to have in here in a second (I didn't mention the soda...but I am still staring at it.)

And then, for some reason, he tells me about his placement test, how he did on it, and some of his life history. While he thumbs through the presentation materials in his right hand, all I can do is just fixate on the can of soda that he has under a napkin in his left....the water slowly dripping off of it...the napkin soaking up the condensation...

We go on...him telling me about his life, me indirectly hinting to return the things he has taken from the classroom. We have a five-minute conversation where the words were about school, but the context was about a stolen can of soda.

Seriously? Who goes into a classroom and just takes a soda?

Conversation Number Two -- Who am I Kidding? I'm the Best Mentor Ever!

At the store tonight, Tauni bought one of those magazines that discusses the lives of movie stars. Alyssa Milano's wedding photos were on the cover, and the sixteen-year-old checkout guy didn't know who she was. So the following conversation ensued:

Me: You really don't?

Him: Nope.

Me: Who's the Boss? Charmed?

Him: I haven't seen those.

Me: Have you seen Embrace of the Vampire?

Him: What's that?

Me: Do you like boobs?

Him: (He looks at me, my girlfriend, my girlfriend's boobs, and then back at me.) Yeah.

Me: Then you'll like this movie.

Him: What's it called again?

Me: Embrace of the Vampire

Him: I'm going to put it on my Netflix queue right now (reaching for his phone)

Me: It might not be there (meaning it's old and not that popular so they might not have it)

Him: Yeah, there might be a wait for it (thinking I meant that too many people have it at home)

I molded a young mind tonight. And I didn't steal ANYTHING from the store...


gunnbr said...

LOL! Nice!!

(There--I posted a comment.)

Maccerz said...

Oh he's gonna enjoy that movie. "can I take some photos for you?" bowm chicka boum boum.

ann marie said...

wait . . . did you ever get the soda back?

Manasse said...


prez said...

When you see him again, he'll be eager for additional recommendations. Suggest "Paradise" with Phoebe Cates and "Blown Away" with Nicole Eggert. Milano-Cates-Eggert is the teenage boy's trifecta.

Manasse said...

"Blown Away" is a personal favorite of mine.

Tauni said...

how is no one even remotely bothered by the fact that he shared this info with a stranger in a grocery store? am I the only person who thinks this is odd :)

Manasse said...