My girlfriend's friend has what I would consider "a cool job." A job that when you have the mundane "What do you do for a living?" small talk with her, you actually pause and say: "Wow..really? That's cool!!" Don't believe me?
She works with dolphins for a living. Fucking dolphins! Cute, cuddly, intelligent dolphins. Nothing to complain about there.
You know what sucks about being us...no matter how good we have it, no matter how cool our lives might be....we'll find fault. This dolphin job, like all jobs, has its good days and bad days. Sometimes the dolphins bite. Sometimes the dolphins splash. Sometimes they rape sea turtles. It's a vicious cycle.
How sad is this? If even working with dolphins can suck...there really is no hope of ever truly being happy...ever.
Let's review what could be wrong with some of the world's greatest jobs:
Job #1 -- Megan Fox's Underwear Selector:
She always wants me to pick something out 10 minutes before I'm have to leave. If she knows she needs underwear, can't she tell me at 3 and not 4:50?
Job #2 -- Blow Job Receiver:
Stupid Nancy never finishes on time...
Job #3 -- Space/Time Traveler:
God...I'm so sick of finding life on new planets. It's always the same damn thing. Yeah...yeah...you fear our superior intellect. I'm going to cure some disease for you...then you're going to build me a statue...every time...the same thing.
Job #4 -- NBA Superstar:
$10 million? $10 million? I could leave here tomorrow and they would be fucked. They don't even know how to use the copy machine...and they want me to play for $10 million. Why does Stan get $12 million a year...he doesn't do shit.
Job #5 -- Fresh Baked (Nut Free) Chocolate Chip Cookie Taster:
My boss is such an ass. He yelled at me because I only tasted ten cookies this hour...and he wants me to do fifteen. God, if I had his job, I would totally let everyone eat ten cookies/hour....WITH milk.
We are all doomed. All of us. We'll never be happy