Saturday, May 30, 2009

A Return, of sorts (Six down, and Six? to go)


On a day where I took a Facebook quiz and was told that Kate Hudson would play me in a movie about my life (Which I oddly wrote about LAST November), I was definitely in need of some good news.








I'm not pregnant.

Also, I advanced from a recumbent bike to stationary bike today. Only ten minutes, and I'm not allowed to lean on the handle bars, but it was something! Now, I need to digress here for a second. Am I the only one who never heard of the word "recumbent" before? For years, I just called it a "recline-y bike." I knew it wasn't the "official" term...but shit, do you call that little punching bag thingy in the back of your throat that little punching bag thingy in the back of your throat or a uvula? Seriously, recumbent? Anyway...

I also went swimming today...kind of. I got in the pool and did 500 yards of kicking. Sadly, I was once again reminded that efficient swimming is to me as an award winning smile is to Mylie Cyrus. Some things are ugly no matter what you do.

Did you know that about two years ago, when I would use a kickboard in the pool that I would actually go BACKWARD in the water. BACKWARD. How is that possible? BACKWARD. Either that is a sign of a shitty-ass swimmer, or I was so powerful, my legs opened up a time-space vortex. Maybe a little of both. I wasn't that bad today...but I definitely wasn't feeling great. Worst part is...if I drowned, Kate Hudson would have played me in my biography. What would that movie have been called?

How to Lose A Mark in Ten Strokes?

Almost Famous Backward Swimmer?

Can't Swim Wars?

You, Me, And The Dead Guy in the Pool?

God, she has made some shitty movies. My death just might save her career.

5 comments:

Maccerz said...

Kate Hudson would have to wear a padded bra if she played you because your boobs are bigger than hers.

Manasse said...

HAhahahaahah...

You dork.

ann marie said...

Didn't Hudson get an Oscar nod for Almost Famous? Billy Crudup is so simultaneously adorable and repulsive in that movie. le sigh. . .

Apparently Debra Messing is going to play me in my bio-pic. Parker Posey must be busy.

Shasta said...

That pic of Miley Cyrus is now prominently featured in my nightmares. Thanks a lot.

Manasse said...

You could try to picture her with those teeth AND singing. It could be worse...