Saturday, May 02, 2009

The Lighter Side of Breaking a Collarbone (two weeks down, ten to go)

So, I should be doing my race right now...instead, I am sitting on my couch typing one handed. This got me thinking about some other things I have noticed the past two weeks:

(1) My left armpit STINKS (yes, this is a change). The combination of having a swollen elbow, arm, and ribs PLUS a sling have made any kind of ventilation to my left underarm nearly impossible. It is ALWAYS damp....and it is ALWAYS hot and drippy in there. I believe I may have created a cure for cancer in my pit...and if I have...that cure don't smell so good...unless you are into dank-three-week-old-baby-food (swirled carrots, I believe)vomit.

(2) I "got in the way of" a eighty-year-old, who huffed and puffed to walk by me on a sidewalk. He was hunched over and walked with a limp, but he had NO time for my slow-moving ass. I could only assume he was either rushing off to die or he was about to shit his pants...

(3) People who see my sling and ask me what happened, but clearly don't care, have been the norm...but one person (who shall remain nameless) had the following interaction with me:

Her: (Walking towards me) Oh no...what happened? (keeps walking towards me)

Me: I had a biking accident (I have now made a 180 to finish my sentence as she has completely walked past me.)

Her: (Five feet away from me, the back of her head strangely couldn't respond to the answer of her own question)

Me: YOU'RE FAT (ok...so, I didn't yell this at her or even think it....but that would have been funny since she only weighs 90 lbs. What kind of adult weighs less than her own body temperature. EAT something already, lady.)

(4) I received a call YESTERDAY from my doctor's office, and I shit you not, we had the following conversation (remember, this was yesterday)

Nurse: May I speak with Mark Managhiiyggd, please (really, is my name that hard to say???)

Me: This is Mark MAN-ASS-E

Nurse: Mr. Managjhsoosuigyugytdflkjs;j, this is Brenda from Doctor Marlowe's office.

Me: Yeah...

Nurse: I am calling to let you know that you have a broken left collarbone.

Me: (silent)

Nurse: Mr. Maniohiugutfsaytfyuiuhoijoihyutytd?

Me: Yeah...I know. It has been broken for a few weeks. I have been to your office to have x-rays and spoken to the doctor.

Nurse: OK...I wanted to let you know your collarbone is broken, sir. I have the x-rays right here.

Me: (I look at my arm and then the phone to make sure it is working...like by looking at, I would be able to fix it or the stupidity of the person on the other end of it. So...I try a different approach...) Thank you for letting me know????

Nurse: You are welcome, Mr. Manoihigyttsrscvnkmj. Have a nice day.


Ten more weeks. Ten more.

2 comments:

Maccerz said...

That's what you get for getting your x-rays done at Dr. Obvious' office.

ann marie said...

I think you should get a second opinion