Monday, March 09, 2009

More Things I Don't Like

I don't like...

When I go to a restaurant, at night, and my waitress says, "I need to go on my lunch break. So-and-so is going to take over for me." Bitch....lunch was over 10 hours ago.

That my TV pretends I have a choice when it comes to cable. I get to see commercials from many different cable providers...but because of these LOCALIZED MONOPOLIES (aren't they illegal by the way), I really have no options. I wish the commercials would just end with a funny line to at least make me feel better like "Didn't that look like a good plan...too bad you can't have it, Mark." I would at least feel special they mentioned my name on TV.

Mustard.

Turning clocks forward and back. I really think we should just pick a time and go with it. I really believe we only do this shit to mess with people anyway...and to see who doesn't watch the news for a week or speak to any other human being for days on end. I mean, we get one million warnings...and there are still people walking around Sunday AND MONDAY that have no idea they are an hour off. I call these people stanFUrd grads. Really? That was this weekend? Yes, moron. Try not masturbating in your basement with a bucket of chicken for a week so you can keep up with world events (that was just for you, Chris).

Watching a big, blue penis for three hours. Seriously...Watchmen was cool and all...and I liked that it had something called "a plot" (you don't get a lot of those these days), but I walked out of the movie wondering if it was really necessary to see a flaccid penis for the equivalent of 1/8th of my day. Hard is one thing...but nobody likes a limp wienie. Nobody. Not even Mark S. Manasse.

Heroes anymore. That show blows. I especially hate it because I keep watching it because I keep thinking it is going to be good again. But it isn't. And every week I watch it again with the same hope. I wish my hero power were to cancel that damn show already...

The Prince of Nigeria. How many times are you going to ask me to send you a check, buddy? I'm just not going to do it. Your scam isn't working on me. Just give it the hell up. I'm not even sure how you got my email...and I doubt you're royalty. Leave me the fuck alone.

5 comments:

seeryanrun said...

I'll see your mustard. And raise you mayonnaise...

Maccerz said...

Just to clarify, the bucket of chicken story is not about me. It's about someone else who knows someone else who particularly enjoyed chicken and masturbating.

I just wanted to make that perfectly clear.

I prefer meatloaf.

tinaparker87 said...

Don't forget the phone call that this is the final call for service on your car......

Too funny.

ann marie said...

I still haven't gotten used to the time change. It's hard enought to wake up at 6:30 on a Saturday to go on a 40 mile bike ride without have Congress mess with my clock.

Maccerz said...

I hate it when you go through the drive thru and get fries and they DON'T GIVE YOU KETCHUP!! WTF is this, Russia?