Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dear Idiot

Besides using this blog just to stalk (Happy, Middento?) random individuals (like Mark S. Manasse, Coach Steve, Ciara Mumford, and Eva Longoria)...I have decided to open the mailbag and respond to some of my readership. So, today, I start a new series of blogs entitled Dear Idiot.

Question Number 1:


I was wondering about some of your thoughts on Facebook. I notice that you joined it recently, and I wanted to get your take on it....and if you would be my friend.

John from Boston.

Dear Idiot:

No. I don't know you, and if you ask idiotic questions like that, I don't want to know you. From your question, I presume the following about you:

(1) You most likely watch (and like) Tyler Perry movies.
(2) You still wear acid-washed jeans.

In case you couldn't tell, these are things an idiot would do.

In fact, I bet you are like a lot of other idiots out there who think people somehow now magically remember their birthday. THEY DON'T. You aren't special, John. You see, Facebook actually sends out a reminder to everyone that your birthday is coming. I swear, if one more person comments or acts surprised that so many people wished them a fricken happy birthday on Facebook...I am going to personally fly out to Boston and kick YOUR ass.

Question #2:


Have you ever been bi-curious?


Dear Idiot:

Of course. For example, just today while writing this blog, I wondered about (a) How dumb you could possibly be and (2) How many times you have tried to shove your entire fist into your own mouth.

You see, I was curious about two things at fricken curious.

Question #3


From reading your blog, I see that you are an English professor. What is your least favorite word?

Samantha S.

Dear Idiot:

That actually isn't that bad of a question, but since I am trying to stay within a certain motif here, I have to lump you in with John and Steve. Sorry.

Until recently, my least favorite word was loaf. That word has always bothered me for some reason. A few weeks ago, while walking through the store, I noticed they were selling something called niblets. What the F is a niblet? It's corn. That's it. If you want to get about cornlets. Just because people have the ability to create words, doesn't mean they have to. I suggest we strike the word "niblet" from the English one is going to miss it anyway.

That's it for today. Keep the questions coming, Idiots. It helps me have something to write about.


ann marie said...

Dear Mark,

Thou dost protest too much. It's ok. You don't have to live in shame. Acceptance of yourself and your love of niblets is the first step to self-actualization.

Tauni said...

your new nickname is niblet :)

prez said...

I don't understand why it's become ok and even popular to have black men portray large black women in movies.

Manasse said...

I don't get it either. Maybe we would have Tyler Perry striken from the English language as well.

Maccerz said...

I believe that the word "niblets" describes a can of your cock, and "loaf" describes your bowel movements.