Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Things I Wonder About

I am off from school all week...and while most people look forward to these kind of situations, it actually makes me go a little crazy. Here are some of my thoughts from the past three days:

If someone took an IQ test then watched 24 straight hours of TBS's Tyler Perry's House of Payne and Frank TV (evenly split, of course), and then retook the IQ test...would his/her score actually go down?

Mylie Cyrus is only 16, and I am already sick of her. Let's just say she gets into drugs and doesn't reach her full life expectancy...and only lives until 66. That means I have 50 more years of wishing her dead. Why does that depress me so much?

How is it possible that at every second of every day there is at least one CSI AND one Law and Order playing on TV.

Why are my dog's nipples sagging? She is only two...and I didn't know that this happened to dogs AND humans. Man, it really is tough being a woman.

Does canned whipped cream expire?

I think I have asked this question before, but...Why DO I grow hair on my ears? Are they cold? Did this somehow keep my ancestors alive? I don't get this at all.

Why do they decaffeinate coffee? You either want caffeine or you don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I KNOW there is still caffeine in decaffeinated coffee. Why don't they just call it "less caffeinated coffee" or "O'Doul's" or something.

If I started texting while my students talked to me as a form of spiteful "How do you like it," would I get fired?

Why are gas prices under $2.00 now? Did they find more gas? was $5.00 a few months ago...I'm not an economist or anything, but this just seems odd to me.

If I put together all commonly themed stories I have written into something called a "book," and this "book" were made into a "movie" and Kate Hudson were to play my character...would she make my hips look fat?

When will my Google hits ever surpass "Mark S. Manasse?" I will give someone a dollar if they can make this happen.


Michelle Panik said...

There's a coffee cart at UCSD where the baristas give movie reviews on a chalkboard. "Great" is four cups. "Stay the hell away" is "decaf."

ann marie said...

I had a professor at UCSD who would stop class and ask a student to leave if he or she disrupted the lecture in any way. If you choose to employ this method in the future, please be sure to put it on you tube. Then your google hits will be sure to surpass those of Mark S. Manasse.

prez said...

Anne Marie is on to something... Just get one of your students to film you on their phone in a "fight" with a student, put it on YouTube, let it go viral, and bam, you're #1.

Maccerz said...

My oh my, Mark A. Manasse. You are so SEO challenged. By writing about Mark S. Manasse, and assigning a "label" to him, you've only increased his ranking strength in Google.

Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse Mark S. Manasse

Manasse said...

Actually, I am trying to increase hits to my blog via that (god forsaken) name. The highest hits for ME on Google come when I mention "Mark S. Manasse" I am experimenting to see if that trend continues.

You are only helping my cause!

tinaparker87 said...

You just figured out it was tuff being a women?? I have to go back and read to catch up!

danban said...

i'm pretty sure there's no way that kate hudson could make anyone's hips look fat.....and why would she be playing your part instead of tauni's??!!