This is a weird thing to say, but for the past 36 hours or so, I have had a chicken bone lodged in my throat.
No. This isn't comfortable.
No. It's not an entire wing, nor leg.
It's a small bone. Bite sized. Big enough to swallow, half-way.
The internet is a great place. I have learned about numerous remedies because, as I have found, there are many other idiots in this world that have also gotten chicken bones lodged in their throats. My brothers!
Yes, I have tried "eating a lump of boiled rice." In fact, I attempted to eat many lumps. That bone wouldn't budge.
Yes, I have tried eating "balls of bread." Strike two!
Yes, I have even tried eating bananas...the bone is still there...but man, I'm fucking full after all the rice, bread, and bananas.
And yes, I have to admit...I even tried gargling vinegar. I don't recommend it. It tastes like vinegar.
And yes, I also went on the look out for some "Root of Clematis," but this stuff is hard to come by...and is too close in spelling to Mark Clemens, a close friend of mine, that I don't like imagining ingesting.
The best part about having something incredibly stupid like this happen to you, is all the other advice you get:
Have you tried swallowing it? No...I didn't think of that. Hey, you seem to be quite the "out of the box" kind of thinker. Any financial advice for me?
You should drink lots of water. Just tilt your head back while you drink. Great. Now I'm choking AND have a stupid chicken bone lodged in my throat.
Try "loosening up" your throat. You try loosening up YOUR throat, you idiot.
Stop using your teeth. Sorry...that's a different conversation.
So...it's just a waiting game now. Best case scenario...I get to poke a hole in my trachea. I have always wanted to do that.