Friday, August 15, 2008

I Got Curves

I don't drink nearly as much as I used to...what used to be a four-day-a-week hobby, has slowly become a once-every-few-months special occasion.

Last weekend, inspired by my newly-healed back...and return to full triathlon training, I had some steam to blow off. I went out with a friend of mine to get ONE beer.

We ended up getting a pitcher.

We had nothing to do...so, eh...why not, one more.

Then Tauni called and she wanted to come join us...what's one more pitcher?

Phone call...Tauni's friend wanted to come get a drink...so we needed, you guessed it, one more!

Between this fourth and eventual fifth pitcher, I noticed that I was getting a little drunk. Weird how that creeps up on you after a beer or ten.

It was at this point of revelation that Tauni's friend mentioned that she didn't like beer. We asked her (politely) to try just a sip of the lovely and tasty Newcastle in which we were all partaking.

She took one little sip and pursed her lips like perhaps a few dozen lemons doused in lighter fluid and scrambled with horseshit had crossed her lips. And she said the words every guy who loves beer DOESN'T want to hear:

Eww...that's too bitter...I'll just have a PEAR CIDER.

Pear cider, in case you didn't know, is for pussies or for people who like to say the following: Pear cider has more alcohol than beer, anyway.

I swear, I have never, Ever, EVER been around someone who drinks pear cider that has not said these EXACT words. Anyway, Tauni's friend isn't a pussy...so I will let you guess what she said/did.

So I of course did what any logical person would do when listening to such blasphemy while in a slightly intoxicated state: I challenged her pansy-ass to a dare.

I requested that the waitress bring me a straw, and upon receipt of said straw, stuck it in the half-finished fourth pitcher of beer and after much debate decided the following...Lily-Livered-Cider-Lover had 15 minutes to finish said pitcher with a straw. If she succeeded, I would go to Curves (the gym created just for women) in my tri shorts and demand a membership.

This was really a win-win for me. And worth every second of humiliation coming my way. So I make a fool of myself...again. Gives me something to blog about...and I got to torture a beer hater on the way.

Bittersweet, some might say.

11 comments:

ann marie said...

can I go with you to curves? I want to photograph the play-by-play . . .

David said...

"perhaps a few dozen lemons doused in lighter fluid and scrambled with horseshit had crossed her lips."

Yep. Sounds like Newcastle to me. Same stuff goin in as it is comin out.

McNastabator said...

David, don't tell me you are a Pear Cider kind of "guy."

seeryanrun said...

See, I knew you'd do the story better justice than me. And it was 10 minutes.

cmacabuhay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maccerz said...

I actually do enjoy a pear cider once in a blue moon. However, I have never claimed it has more alcohol than beer. So there goes your theory.

Anyway, it has more alcohol than beer, anyway.

Lali said...

We definitely need video of the Curves membership event.

David said...

No. I drink real beer... stuff that comes from Germanic places and not some pisswater county in England. Oh, and Zima, of course.

Miss Nines said...

That Pear Cider lover girl sounds AWESOME.

McNastabator said...

Really? I think she sounds like a pussy.

Anonymous said...

I am ashamed to say that I was once "that girl," but over the years I've cultivated a taste for darker beers. Now, I can't stand sweet, fruity drinks.