Thursday, July 17, 2008


Even for me, the dreams I have had the past three nights have been insane. Gone are the days of dreaming of naked women or scantily clad women or sex with women or women with other women. WHY DON'T I DREAM ABOUT THAT ANYMORE.

The past three nights, I have, instead, dreamed about...

Three Nights Ago:

I was team teaching with Madonna. MADONNA of all people. I never, ever dream about stupid celebrities, but for some stupid reason, I end up teaching with an 80's pop icon with bad teeth and a fake British accent.

But don't you LOVE the internet. As a lark (yes, a lark), I went on the internet to see what it meant to be team teaching with Madonna...and you know what...there is an ENTIRE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO INTERPRETING DREAMS YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD WITH MADONNA IN THEM. Are you shitting me? On this site you can also read about her dreams, too. Like anyone cares.

Seriously, what the Hell is the world coming to. So, I, of course, submitted my dream to be analyzed. Here is what I wrote:

I am a college professor.

I dreamed I was team teaching with Madonna. She was a strong teacher, but not extremely organized. I remember having to organize her materials for her: putting papers in order, some folders needed management, and paper clips. I remember lots of paper clips. I also remember thinking it was a little odd I was teaching with Madonna.

What does it all mean?

I'll keep you posted if/when they reply.

Two Nights Ago:

I had a dream that Will Smith and I were hunting and/or being chased by vampires. Can I punch myself in the face now? Two nights in a row with this celebrity bs? And what the Hell is Will Smith going to do with a vampire if he catches one? Sing it to death with his shitty music? Sadly, there is no website dedicated to dreaming about Will Smith. On the other hand, I do dream about vampires quite often, and the all mighty internet had this to say:

Vampires, for most people, represent powerful and evil creatures. Dreaming about vampires suggests that the dreamer may be feeling overwhelmed in some areas of his or her life and is struggling with negative thoughts, feelings, and actions. You may be currently concerned about ethical or moral issues and are experiencing anxiety as a result. The vampire represents personal attributes or negative habits that drain energy and resources or cause emotional exhaustion. If you are being attacked by a vampire, you may perceive yourself as a powerless victim. Interpreting this dream's message may help you to identify the source of your negative feelings and helplessness.

So, what I gather is, I need Will Smith to hold me. Solid.

Last Night:

I don't even want to talk about this one...but I am trying to be completely honest here. I dreamed about sausages. Lots and lots of sausages. I wanted to eat and order sausages at a stand...and they had SO MANY VARIETIES, I simply couldn't choose. They had hot ones, tomato-filled ones, plain ones, hot dog-esque ones...on and on and on. I just couldn't figure out which sausage to buy to satiate me. Whatever could this mean???? Hmmmm....

One site explains:

To see or eat sausage in your dream, symbolizes material values. It also represents the phallus and thus refers to sexual feelings or tension.

No shit, really? Who would ever guess that dreaming about sausage actual meant I was dreaming about dick. SURPRISE!

Luckily, another site states:

To dream of making sausage, denotes that you will be successful in many undertakings. To eat them, you will have a humble, but pleasant home.

Alas, I wasn't making them or eating them. I couldn't decide which one to fucking buy!

My only true plan of action here is obviously to never sleep again. Who knows what might "pop up" in my dreams tonight.

*please not Darron on a unicorn....please not Darron on a unicorn*


Tauni said...

Tonight you will dream about teaching Will Smith to feed Madonna a sausage??? I wouldn't want to sleep either.

ann marie said...

Tonight I'm predicting a dream with John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Will Smith. They're like the three closeted magi of scientology. Then there's madonna as THE Madonna. Maybe you're the baby jesus?!

McNastabator said...

I don't want to be baby Jesus...I read that book and I know how it turns out...


Lali said...

I remember when you would buy a hot dog at the stand at West Oakland BART and stuff it in your face before I picked you up (because you didn't want me catching you eating yet another hot-dog-stand hot dog, even though you would admit to me that you had one almost every time I picked you up) - sometimes you would have to swallow it whole because I got there too quickly... maybe all of these dreams stem from that... or maybe not. I just wanted to call you out on your sneaky hot dog eating episode. ;o )