Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Trilogy Part 2: Ten Percent of Zero is Zero

I left my stalker behind, and my next stop was Barnes & Noble. Long story short: I hate these fuckers. They had thwarted my attempts at getting an educator's discount for YEARS...and this day, I thought I had them...


A few weeks before this moment, I went there to buy a few books and asked, once again, if they would give me a discount for being a teacher. By that point, I knew I needed my college ID card to get the discount, but I just didn't have one. I thought I would ask anyway. Kind of like asking: Will I go to jail if I kick Eva Longoria in the face? You just want to know if by some miracle, you get the answer you are looking for.

The chick behind the counter once again played along. She said I could get a discount, but I needed a school ID or my most recent pay stub to prove my eligibility. I didn't have these...but I finally vowed to myself I was going to get a damn school ID so I could get the damn discount at damn Barnes & Noble.

***Flash forward***

I am beaming from ear-to-ear in line at Barnes & Noble. No, I wasn't thinking about the Peeping Tom at Miramar. I had in my possession my faculty ID. I actually took the five minutes to go get it just so I could get 10% off my purchase at a book store I rarely frequent. This was going to be my moment to shine!

I get up to the front, and the RUDEST sales lady ever greets me.

Sales Bitch: Will this be it for you today? Monotone and looking behind me while she twirled her hair.

Me: Yup! (ask me...ask me...ask me about the discount!!!)

Sales Bitch: Would you like to be a Barnes & Noble member and receive 10%... I'm pretty sure she was incapable of inflecting her voice.

Me: I cut her's rude, but I had heard this same spiel 10 times before. I pay you money up front, I supposedly make it back later. No way. Not this time. I chime in: Do you guys give an educator discount? I am radiating confidence.

Sales Bitch: Only if you have ID.

I could tell she thought that conversation was over.

Me: Well (as I ceremoniously open up my wallet. It was like a ray of light from heaven shone down upon it) ya go. And I placed it down on the counter with all its glory.

Sales Bitch: The sales lady didn't know what to do. Befuddled, she tried to cast me aside. Are you going to use this book in one of your classes, sir? She looked was her last straw.

Me: Yes. Of course. I start planning how I could best utilize my 10% savings. Maybe I'll buy a pack of gum...

Now she's in a bind. She actually had to do her job. She started scrambling around. She gets the assistant manager. She gets the manager. She can't find the form for me to fill out. She had no idea when she woke up that morning that this day would be the day I finally got my 10% discount!!!

The line had doubled behind me...and she finally returned from her store-wide quest to find my discount form...she was in the midst of placing it down in front of me...I had the pen in my hand...I was mere seconds away from getting $1.50 off my $15.00 purchase.

Sales Bitch: Ewwww. And she breathed in, teeth clenched, sucking spit into her throat. We don't give discounts to college professors. The discount is only K-12.

She smirked

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo (on the inside). Why? (on the outside)

Sales Bitch: I don't know. Just our policy I guess. I guess we assume you can get discounts on your campus or something.

Me: Well, we don't.

Sales Bitch: Sorry about that. She wasn't sorry.

And this is what I had on my mind as tail between my legs, I went over to Islands for lunch...making sure I wasn't being followed by any secret admirers.


Lali said...

Oh, I like eating at Islands! Yum!

prez said...

Part 3, please.

P.S. *I* get an educator discount at Barnes & Noble...

Tauni said...

I think you should make people wait longer for the third installment of the trilogy

adadak said...

Once at one of those chain bookstores they asked me about the educator's discount, and I foolishly replied these weren't for class - and I might have mentioned the university thing. "Oh yeah - I can still give it to you!" No id required.

I wouldn't try it today, though; luck had just brought me to the right register person that day - the person who was cheerfully disregarding/ignorant of company policy.

Chris said...

That's OK. As a college educator you can still get a 10% discount at any adult bookstore.