Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Century Ride: Observation #1

When I joined Team in Training last year to do the marathon, I noticed how in shape everyone was. So thin...so ready to run 26 miles.

This year, I have decided to do a century ride (ride my bike 100 miles) in Lake Tahoe. Know what I noticed: everyone is fat.

The coach is fat
The mentors are fat
The other riders are fat
I am...not...um...as...thin as I should be.

I also noticed that riding a bike really makes your ass hurt. A lot. Continuously, throughout the week.

So, I have concluded that riding bikes makes people have big, fat, throbbing asses.

It's like a dream come true.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Food for Thought

At what point in human evolution did we think:

Hey...I want to eat that chicken's baby...even though it is inside a shell.

It's really weird. We don't go inside a cow and eat an unborn calf (gross, I know)...but chomp away we do on unborn or unfertilized chicken eggs.

Maybe this is why scrambled eggs were invented. Let's make the egg look like something else completely...then I wont think about eating an unborn chicken.

Of course, I did think about all these things today while I was eating eggs....which I have eaten for breakfast three times this week.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Bathroom: A Constant Source of Inspiration.

Background Information:

I was at Starbucks today in the middle of a long tutoring session. During a break, I got up, walked towards the door (I was outside), and let a young, blonde, 110 pound college-aged woman in before I entered the store.

She sped up when we got into Starbucks (this has turned into a re-occurring theme, yet not the point of this blog) and actually headed toward the bathroom. She didn't know I was going to go there, and I took no personal offense to her actions. Seeing as how this particular Starbucks only had one restroom, I had to wait for her to finish before I went in to release my coffee-scented pee.

I am more than 75% certain she saw me walk up behind her...and saw me waiting outside the door as she entered as well.

The Oddity:

(1) As I waited for her to finish, my thoughts ran to my student outside the coffee shop. The young, blonde girl was taking a bit of time in the restroom...and I started to wonder if my student was pondering my bathroom break of choice. I started worrying that she might think I was going number 2!!!!

Does this matter? Should I be concerned with this thought? Even if I had to do the deed, which I didn't, would that somehow diminish my teaching abilities? Make me rude? Should I be embarrassed?

And in the middle of all these thoughts: *FLUSH*

The young blonde left the restroom.


(2) When I went in to pee, I became startled. Maybe shocked. The seat was up. UP, I say. UP! At no time in my entire life has a woman been in a restroom before me and left the seat UP! My mind raced AGAIN:

Was that the world's most polite person that just was in this restroom? Did she have enough foresight to LIFT the seat up for me...the next bathroom patron?

And if this is so, why is SHE assuming that I am going to pee, when I just had a thirty second freak out session worrying about my student assuming I was going to poo?

Do I spend WAY TO MUCH TIME thinking about this? Do other people even have this shit (pun intended) cross their minds?

But then, after all these thoughts...my mind was put at ease, if only for a second. I remembered that no woman could be that considerate...at least, none that I have ever met.

Once I realized it was just a really pretty, cross-dressing guy, I zipped up, walked back outside...and instantly mentioned that there was a line so my student wouldn't think I took a shit.