Saturday, September 22, 2007
The More Things Change...
So, it's over. No, not my desire to make pudding the state's official food snack (I have always loved that title "food snack"). No, not my quest to legally change my name to Harry Manasse (sound it out). And no, not my dream of having dance music play every time I walk into my classroom at school (that would be so sweet).
I got the check from Sprint this week....all $61.73. After countless times of being told they would send me the check in "7 to 14 business days," my relentless, tireless, daunting, and arduous journey is complete.
And so ends my nearly eight-month adventure to get my own money back. But let's think about what I accomplished, shall we?
Let's say I estimate that I spent only ten hours since February trying to get this money back. That would put my efforts at $6.17/hour. That is below the $7.50/hour minimum mandated by the state...so, I could calculate that Sprint still owes me $13.27. Add to that the amount of time that it would take to be reimbursed for the extra 13 bucks...maybe another ten hours, I am looking at $100.
But wait, this gets better.
Over the past year, I was tutoring at $50/hour. Let's say that I wasn't able to tutor for ten hours because I was on the phone. So, in essence, that is $500, minus the $61.73 they sent me. Don't forget to calculate in the time for me to get the money back...which is another $500 dollars. Now, I'm looking at about $1000 bucks.
Screw tutoring. I was hired as a full time English Professor. I calculated that based on my current salary, I make about $100/hour of face to face class time. Yup, you guessed it. That's $2000 for time wasted and time added to get the $1000 they would owed me. I truly have a dizzying intellect. Just wait until I get started (Princess Bride, anyone?).
Now, let's not forget that I could have been investing this $2000 in a bank...or better yet, a stock. I own a few shares of PepsiCo, which has increased from about $63/share to $73/share in the past six months. If I would have invested the $2000, I would have made $10/share for an added $317. I now have about $2300.
I also have a bit of a gambling problem, and always pick huge road dogs during the first week of college football seasons. I definitely would have picked Appalachian State and all the points against Michigan at home. Now I have, minus fees, about $4500.
This could keep going. I haven't even calculated the interest yet!
Needless to stay, Sprint PCS was single handedly responsible for my current financial problems. And because of their negligence, I sue them for how severely they mishandled my account and money that wasn't even theirs. I would ask for about a million....but decide to settle for $600,000. Hey. I'm a nice guy.
With my new financial backing, I decide to buy IHateEvaLangoria.com and blast her and her antics daily for about a year. SHE sues ME for slander...and wins a multimillion dollar lawsuit...and since I didn't form an LLC, she hits me in my personal pocket book.
I lose all my money and am not able to pay any of my bills on time. Even my cell phone bill.
I rack up tons of minutes talking to different collection agencies and default on my Sprint bill. I owe them about $300 of their money. And you know what I do???
I FUCKING TELL THEM IT WILL BE THERE IN 7 to 14 DAYS!
Take that Sprint. It would be so worth it!