Monday, September 18, 2006

Huge Jugs

I wonder how many people searching for porn on the internet will find this post? I wonder. I wonder.

Anyway, I admittedly am VERY tired, so this will be brief. I didn't sleep at all last night. I was tossing. I was turning. I was tossing and turning all night. Hey, that's catchy. "They" should make a song.

Some was mental. A lot was physical. YEAH BABY. Is your imagination aroused? My back hurt. No more. No less.

I signed papers to sell my house this afternoon. Kind of sad in a way. I just signed a big piece of my history over to some guy named Jose. I wonder if he likes pandas?

I had five people ask me about my love life today. I had no response. Why don't we ask people about their "doing it" life. Then I might have had some things to say. They would have been lies...but at least I would have said something.

I have this great running metaphor that I have written. In my head. I actually recite it every time I go running and think to myself "Self...you should really write that down. That's pretty good."

I never write it down.

And lastly:

I ran into my next door neighbor today. Not literally. I have lived next door to her for over a year and a half...and in that time, I have spoken to her for about maybe 10 total minutes. Today, I spoke to her for about 30.

Near the end of our conversation...I had to do it. I just had to.

Me: So...I've been wanting to apologize to you for about six months now about something.

Jen: What did you do?

Me: Nothing really. I just wanted to apologize for disturbing you when I used to fight with my ex-girlfriend. I heard you close your sliding glass door sometimes when we were arguing. I was pretty embarrassed about that. Sorry.

Jen: You fought with your ex-girlfriend? That chick with the Volvo?

Me: Yeah...repeatedly. Loudly. Sorry.

Jen: I never heard you.

Me: What?

Jen: I only close my sliding glass door when my boyfriend and I are doing it in the living room.


I really should have asked her about her "doing it" life...could have saved myself some time on pointless apologies.

7 comments:

prez said...

First thought that comes to my mind: Is she hot?

Second thought that comes to my mind: She is very open about her personal life with a guy she's only talked to for a total of 40 minutes in a year and a half.

Third thought: Your neighbor "does it" in the living room and she's so loud that she has to close the sliding glass door and that, yes THAT, is the only time she closes that door, implying that San Diego weather must be very nice all year round.

McNastabator said...

The weather is terrible today. I think it might only be 75 instead of 78 degrees.

Gayle said...

Your handsome and still single?? This only tells me that the single ladies in California are blind....they have to be. Wake up women.

McNastabator said...

Gayle...you have to keep in mind...I am a terribly big asshole. (No, Darron, I don't HAVE...I AM)

Gayle said...

Then what you really need is a woman that will walk away from you and totally ignore you when your in your "asshole mood." You need a woman with an attitude that shouts "I'm right, your wrong, so get over it!"

The one thing all "true assholes" love is an argument..."right?" They all hate to be ignored...trust me my oldest brother is the president of that club. I learned well growing up with him and as the old saying goes..."To argue with an ass, makes an ass out of you!"

Now get out there and start looking for a woman that will totally ignore you...

McNastabator said...

I think I found her, but she's ignoring me.

HA!

gayle said...

See....it's working already. Now all you have to do is get her interested in you.