Monday, July 31, 2006

It's 3 Fucking 20 AM

When I was younger, I used to have trouble sleeping. I would go nights at a time with little to no rest...and usually by about the third night or so...I would sleep very, very deeply because my body just couldn't take it anymore.

Unfortunately, this is my third night of not sleeping. And while the previous two had more to do with, oh, I don't know, drinking, tonight is more of a mystery to me.

Now I also realize that regular exercise really helps my stress level lower and my ability to sleep increase...and I literally have had NO time to exercise. I am really looking forward to this last week of insanity to finish. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and by the middle of next week I will have this little thing called free time.

Which is what scares me.

Knowing myself as I do, I realize that when I get into Work-Mode-Mark....it takes me a long time to turn back into Chill-Out Mark. That is not to say I can't unwind and have a good time right now...because that would be a LIE. I'm just saying that I presently don't know how to sit still. For example, a couple of Fridays ago...I got home from work at about 6...and had plans to go party at about 10. So, instead of spending those few hours just relaxing and taking a break...I graded papers and then decided it was time to clean out the fridge. Completely. I removed the fruit and veggie drawers from the fridge and washed them...I threw out all those condiments that pile up in the back of the fridge and scrubbed the thing from top to bottom. I did the dishes...and used a variety (a wide variety) of cleaning products on the counter tops so that they were actually white again.

Then I went out and got shit-faced.

I just feel like there is this constant weight on my shoulders (and not the weight I am going to start losing 8/1). If I sit down for a second without doing something...I feel the universe caving in on me like I am some horrible slob whose laziness is the reason for the world's demise. Why can't I sleep?

Interestingly...Darron and I had a fast about 1.5 years ago. What if we went sleep deprived. Now THAT would be a challenge. He would probably cheat AGAIN (to no fault of his own).

I've been trying to put my house in the gay bay up for sale for about a month now...but do you realize how hard it is to coordinate undermotivated people from here. For an entire month now I have been unable to get a painter to my house to actually do what the name entails: paint! Flake after fucking flake...is that painting business THAT good that people can agree to paint your house and then back out without calling at the last second?

And as long as this is just going to turn into one gigantic BITCH fest...LKM (you know who you are) I don't like you or your policies. LKM is my 2006 HDS...and we all know what happened to HDS.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I feel somewhat better.

4 comments:

prez said...

For the record, I did not cheat on the fast. I cheated on the "Just Veggie January."

prez said...

Who is HDS?

Lali said...

It is 8/2. Have you lost any weight yet?

Lali said...

How did HDS get a mention in one of your blogs? I wonder if she still wears a fake bubble butt...?