Last Monday night, I had a plan. I was going OUT...and I was gonna get drunk.
I was going to hang out with a friend of mine, and we were going to have a good time!
I was going to talk to some people and maybe meet somebody nice.
I got out of class. It was 9 PM. "Yo, Britt...you ready."
"Yeah...where we be?"
"We're going to La....to the JOLLA"
And there we went.
We drank, and we drank, and we drank some more. At about midnight, we left Jose's to go to The Spot. That is where I met her. Bitch Girl.
I don't know, or perhaps I don't remember, or perhaps even more appropriately, I chose not to remember Bitch Girl's given name. Point being, she was a bitch.
How I met Bitch Girl:
Britt and I reach The Spot. She kindly asks me to "get [her] a fucking drink...and hurry it up all ready." Gotta love Britt. She's a crack addict on speed. Full of life, she is.
I saddle up to the bar, and when I turn around to ask her a question, she is leaned up against a stanchion-esque partition, giving off the "I want a man" vibe. One leg up, back against the wall, she is just waiting for Mr. Right.
"Can you make yourself look any MORE available" I yell back at her. She is slightly amused. Bitch Girl and Bitch Girl's friend heard me and found it funny. We all start chatting.
Bitch Girl Speaks:
Over the course of the next ten minutes, I am stuck in a conversation with Bitch Girl that has more awkward pauses in it than my mom at a whore house. Don't think about that too deeply. You need to know my mom.
Anyway, here are some highlights. NONE of these are made up.
Bitch Girl's Friend: Britt, where ya from?
Bitch Girl's Friend: Oh wow. I'm from Phili
Me: So....you're both from Pennsylvania then...in case you didn't know. (said cornily...obviously as a stupid joke)
Bitch Girl: Well, Thanks for stating the obvious, MR OBVIOUS.
Me: So,Bitch Girl, you aren't very nice.
Bitch Girl: Why the Hell do I have to be nice?
Me: So, what do you do?
Bitch Girl: I'm in Marketing.
Me: Cool, how is...
Bitch Girl: Yeah, go figure. I cute blonde in marketing. Wow, right?
Bitch Girl: Where did you go to College
Bitch Girl: (Laughs)
Me: (Innocently) What's so funny?
Bitch Girl: What? I can't fucking laugh?
Me: Um...I was just wondering. Sorry.
After a number of these gems, Bitch Girl's friend comes back over with Britt, and we have a "four way."
Me: (To Bitch Girl's Friend) Bitch Girl thinks I'm an asshole.
Friend: Well, there's no way you could be. Britt just told me Mark raised money for cancer research and ran a marathon. Did he tell you about that?
Bitch Girl: Why the Hell would I care about anything like that?
Needless to say...I didn't ask Bitch Girl for her number. One thing is for sure, though. She was a bitch.